Thursday, August 28, 2008

Talking about it

Yesterday two things happened to me that you're not "supposed" to talk about.

1. I found out I was pregnant.
2. I had a miscarriage.

Both were hugely emotional, and both were things I wanted to talk about. Talking about things is pretty much the only way I know how to deal with emotions. If I don't talk about them, I ignore them, pretend they don't exist, until they come back one day to bite me in the ass and give me anxiety attacks, nightmares and emotion explosions.

So I shared (and am sharing further now). And I'm ok. I was very very happy, and then I was very scared, then I was sad, and now I feel ok.

I was lucky (if you can dare to call it that) that it all happened in one day and that I didn't have more time to really process the fact that I was pregnant. I struggle between feeling like I should be more sad and that I don't have the right to be sad because other people who have gone through this when they've been much further along had it so much harder.

I'm lucky that I know, and I think believe, all the things that people tell you when you have a miscarriage: it's probably for the best - these things often don't work out because there's something wrong; it's not your fault - you didn't do anything to make this happen.

And I'm lucky that I have this blog to air these thoughts on - trying to put my thoughts into words, no matter how jumbled, really helps me process the emotions I often prefer to ignore.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey you...I hope you're okay! Let me know if there's anything I can do for you...

Do get out your feelings because it's definitely better to do that than to let them build up inside you. :o)

Thinking about you and even though we're both not big on touching...hugs...
-lynn

Shannon said...

Oh no, Lara, how awful. I'm so sorry. It is great to get your feelings out, and they must be all over the place since this happened. I hope you can focus on all the other wonderful things in your life right now, to give you strength and keep you going. Hang in there.

erin said...

(((hugs)))

Some kind of Wondermom said...

I think you are absolutely right - it is something you're not 'supposed' to talk about. I think what you just went through is something that SO many women can relate to (unfortunately). I also think it's important to grieve, but to let go. I still think about my own loss, and wonder what could have been. It's not the easiest thing to talk about, but I'm glad you did.

Shona said...

I like to talk stuff out too - I think that it's important to do what feels right to you to help you cope with upsetting situations. You have a right to feel whatever you feel.

Major Bedhead said...

I'm so sorry, Lara. What a rollercoaster. I had a miscarriage, too, and am still sometimes hit with the loss, especially around my due date. Hang in there and take care of yourself. And talk about it again (and again) if you need to.

Jenn said...

Glad that you can talk about it here, I feel the same way about my little spot on the web.

Thinking of you guys...hugs!

crazy working mom said...

I just wanted to let you know that I was in this situation myself at one time. I found out I was pregnant on a Monday and miscarried by the end of the week. It was a very horrible time for me b/c I had told everyone about the pregnancy. Having to tell everyone about the miscarriage was horrible. This was my first pregnancy and I never thought I would recover. I did and I think that it made me stronger and it definitely bridged a gap between my husband and myself.

Time heals all wounds, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Hugs... Let me know if I can do anything.

MH

Lindsey said...

What a day that was! Def. always better to talk things out...and I'm ALWAYS here to listen. =D And I'm a firm beleiver that it all happens for a reason.

Katie Valentine said...

I'm so sorry.

It's a hard, hard, hard thing to go through, even if you do believe it happens for a reason.

Thinking of you guys, and holding you in the light....

Kendra said...

Thank you for sharing this. We had a "scare" were they thought that we had lost our baby girl. It all turned out well, but in retrospect I would have done better with it if I'd felt ok to talk about it.
Kendra (adoringadara.blogspot.com)