Sunday, November 08, 2009

On being a mom

There are days I wonder if my friendships will survive this time in my life - motherhood of young children.

In my "old life" I used to have an enormous social circle. I was with friends, talking to friends, IMing with friends all the time. And now, I have a hard time keeping in basic touch with so many of them, I feel horrible.

But right now, at this time in my life, my world is so consumed by being a mother that it is difficult for me to come up with topics that do not revolve around not sleeping, starting solids, cloth diapers vs disposable diapers, cry it out vs other methods of sleep training vs babies who just sleep on their own, breastfeeding, etc. And my single friends.... I'm sure they don't really care. Or if they do, they don't care for a whole evening's worth of these topics. And that's it, that's my world - nothing else is new with me. Nothing else interests me (other than an occasional book, or Twilight or something). My life is all about being a mom of little children. I'm too tired to be interesting or have thoughts of my own.

So, my single friends, I love you, I miss you, I hope you still care when I get through this stage. And to me, this explains why on a rare night that I went out without any of the kids I went and met a bunch of women I tweet with (Eric's response to my request to go out to go to a tweetup was "uhh.. why?") is because I spent the whole time talking about children who don't sleep, toilet training, cloth diapers, pregnancy, etc and I don't think anybody was secretly wishing we could talk about something else ;)


Lindsey said...

Although I can't fully understand until I have children of my own - I do understand and don't mind talking about your adorable children all the time Lara! Keep up the great mothering and one day when I'm experiencing the same thing, I'll call you! =D

Capital Mom said...

I knew I was missing all the good conversation! :-) Seriously, sitting next to you next time.
Some friendships don't survive. Some friendships with friends from before you both became moms don't survive either just because your lives can be some different. When you are in the midst of all this it really helps to have other people to talk to who understand. People who know why you answer the question "how are you?" by talking about how your kids slept last night.
But I think good friends will stick around. And you will also have the chance to meet lots of new, great friends.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about it. Seriously. And this is coming from the divorced, non-breeder. But CM is right - those that are worth it will be there through it all. The mature, realistic friends realize that this is just a phase of life and that it has no reflection on what you think of each other. Right now we all have to lead our different lives and support each other as best we can. I have days where I think that I must bore everyone to tears with my dating stories and (unfortunately, sometimes) singleton woes. But if you listen to my stories, I'll listen to teething stories. Deal? ;o)

On a related note, you have to also remember that for people like me, I don't like to infringe on family or couple time. Knowing how time consuming being a parent is, that's where your focus right now needs to be. And when not there, IMHO, it should be on staying connected with your spouse so that your marriage doesn't suffer from your family life - if that makes sense without sounding too harsh. I, singleton, need to know from you, when and how much you want to see me - even if it is to tell me about sleeping patterns, diapers, etc. After all, did I not formidably push a baby stroller around last time? Ugh, yeah I did. And did I survive unscared? Relatively... ;o)

You know I'm always around if you need/want anything - even if it is just to toodle around the park. :o)