Thursday, August 30, 2007

It sucks

I knew it would suck, but just like a lot of things in life you know are going to be hard ahead of time, doesn't mean it doesn't suck when you get there.

I've been back at work for four days, and... I'm not happy.

Yesterday was by far the worst day, mid afternoon after someone responded to something just a little too rudely for my liking (a lot of people at my work are very stressed out at the moment) I lost it and had to close my office door and sob for awhile. This overwhelming feeling that I wasn't where I was supposed to be overcame me. I miss my baby, I miss my freedom, and I just don't feel like I know how or want to do the job I'm being paid to do.

So that's the freaking out part of me. The part of me that thinks I would rather work retail part-time and be home most of the time than sticking it out in my job.

But the rational side of me knows that I just need to adjust. I had it pretty sweet before. I was home with my fabulous baby. If I needed a break his grandmother would take him and then I had a day to myself. I started Apples'n'Oranges with Vicky so all my needs to work were being fulfilled in that endeavour. I was lucky enough to know lots of other moms on mat leave at the same time, so I rarely got lonely. How could going back to work NOT feel crudy?

So I will keep on, and it will get better, and if I ever have a do-over, I won't go back to work on a monday because starting off with a full 5 days - that was stupid. And I only have one more day to go until the long weekend and the it will only be a four day week next week.

They say it gets easier - I'm looking forward to that.


Pinks & Blues said...

Oh Laura!
I feel for you. I experienced this when I went back to work after William was born. He was 12 weeks at the time and I was a wreck. After 2 months I had it, I quit. And I started Pinks & Blues - the beginning of the beginning and have kept up with it. I know it can be rough... stay strong. Keep us updated!
- Audrey

Ivy said...

It will get easier, don't worry. Things are really frustrating when everyone in your office is super stressed, too. I know the last few months I worked for the giant HR conglomerate, it was a nightmare because everyone was so stressed due to massive layoffs. It'll all get better, though, I'm sure.

Some kind of Wondermom said...

Just keep thinking of that house...the prize! It'll all be worth in the end.

Jenn said...

(hugs) It will get easier I'm sure. I know for me, I felt the opposite. I needed to get back to work. But I had PPD which peaked the month before I went back. I needed the break. I am thinking this time around it will be a lot harder going back.

Just hang in there Lara!!! You can do it!