Tips for eating

by Juliette and Quinn

1. Don't trust food you don't recognize - throw it on the floor.
2. If you want mom to think you ate your food so you can get something different, hide it under your bum when she's not looking. Added perk - snacks in your clothing for later.
3. If you don't want something, drop it onto your twin's tray, maybe they'll like it (or they might throw it on the floor or hide it under their bum). Either way, it's gone.
   
4. Food makes excellent hair gel, check out my fauhawk.
5. When a parent tells you to stop throwing food on the floor, grin really big and then drop food on the floor in slow motion. Watch parent's head explode for amusement.
6. Bibs are for chumps. To ensure your parents don't even bother any more, make sure to get food on any area of your body the bid doesn't cover and for good measure under the bib. Full armed bibs are a challenge but don't forget tip #2.
7. When you are done your tray should not have any food on it. If you're tired of throwing the food off the tray, feel free to crush the food into crumbs and then sweep it around until the crumbs fly all around the kitchen.
8. You win.